September 16, 2004

Hairpiece!!!

COLUMBIA, S.C. – He looks ever the professor. Reclined to his right side, he sits in the corner of the coffee house near the university downtown.

He's 50-ish, wanna-be dapper. He wears a short sleeved button-down, khaki pants, white socks and Tevas with horn-rimmed bifocals perched on the tip of his schnoz; a newspaper folded to expose one broadsheet to his down turned eyes.

From his right hand in a beard/goatee to a crossed leg, he changes poses after every phrase of the story. He just continues to do it without missing a beat.

What’s worse is that I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice person. If he’s married, or if he has a partner, I’m sure that person thinks so, too.

But where the honesty is failing him from his friends to his spouse or partner. He needs someone to be brutally honest with him who is in the position to do so.

Here, I’ll help them out.

GET RID OF THAT RIDICULOUSLY DUMB LOOKING RUG FROM THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD!

There, said it. It’s probably the worst, most obvious hairpiece I’ve seen on anyone outside of Las Vegas, Nev.

It’s just so hard to keep from looking at, like a bad car crash.

- Rich